Getting a two year old to bed who “isn’t tired” is like putting your drunk friend to bed.
There’s singing to themselves.
Requesting water.
Mumbling.
Incoherent blabber.
Crying.
Some weird yoga poses.
Hiccups.
And then they pass out.
barzelletta
Funny Friday/28
After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
Corona’s president sits down and says, “Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Then Budweiser’s president says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one.
Coors’ president says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.” The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Guinness?”
The Guinness president replies,
“Well, if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither will I.” Continua a leggere
Funny Friday/27 – Una mela al giorno
Funny Friday/26 – Aiuto, non so nuotare!
Funny Friday/24 – For the Love of Cooking
Trad_imento:
Lei è in cucina, in piedi.
Mi volta le spalle.
Addosso, ha solo la mia maglietta, quella in cui le piace dormire.
Sta preparando la nostra colazione: uova sode.
Mi ha sentito entrare, ne sono certo,
l’ho capito dal movimento dolce delle spalle anche se non sono del tutto sveglio.
Si gira e mi guarda con quei suoi occhi unici e dice dolcemente:
“Fai l’amore con me, proprio adesso: ma subito, però!”
Sto sognando oppure oggi dev’essere il mio giorno fortunato,
penso.
Non ho esitato.
L’ho presa tra le mie braccia e le ho dato tutto me stesso, proprio lì, in cucina, sul tavolo traballante.
“Grazie” mi dice lei, dopo, gli occhi luminosi, tornando ai fornelli.
Felice e tuttavia perplesso, non riesco a non chiederle:
“A cosa devo…?”
“Il timer si è rotto”.
Funny Friday/22 – Di quella volta che son svenuta sul lavoro.
Funny Friday/21
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.”
The blind man replies, “If you would’ve put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus … so shut up.”
Trad_imento: Continua a leggere
Funny Friday/20
A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.
Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”
The General Manager is setting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!”
The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”
Funny Friday/19
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad, they’re very strong and very expensive.”
“How much?” asked Grandpa.
“$10.00 a pill,” answered the son.
“I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow. ”
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $10, not $110.”
“I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!”
°°° Trad_imento:
Un ingegnere in pensione e la moglie vanno a casa del figlio maggiore, a trovare i nipotini.
Prima di ritirarsi per la notte nella stanza degli ospiti, l’ingegnere va a chiedere al figlio dell’aspirina e lo vede spostare una bottiglietta di Viagra.
“Funzionano?”
“Beh, sì, ma sono molto forti…e costano un sacco!”
“Un sacco, quanto?”
“Dieci euro a pillola!”
“Senti, dammene una, voglio proprio provarla. Domani mattina ti lascio i dieci euro sotto il cuscino, prima di metterci in viaggio.”
La mattina dopo, sotto il cuscino, il figlio trova 110 euro.
Telefona a suo padre: “Ti avevo detto che ogni pillola costava dieci euro, non centodieci!”
“Lo so” gli risponde lui “Il centone è da parte della mamma!”
ilanzichevecchi 